In a Chicago bar, in my 20s, I learned
to prop myself up for half the night, nurse
two drinks maybe, stare at anyone I thought
I might love, leave, if lucky, with an evening
star for the Farwell Beach playground, say,
for a little--communion. We might seesaw,
swing, stick our feet in the water, go round
and round the simple carousel (hinging,
of course, on his playfulness) till the sun
rose over the lake like a ruddy lover, Somehow,
looking back, that part seems the best. I was
always hungry, he seemed, always, beautiful.
Then, when finally our hopeful bodies
begged us for deliverance, I’d sometimes push
to exchange the next move for a number,
which, if I dialled it later, might bring
back that magic ache (the ache
of two magnets held a bare millimetre apart),
denial the weird force holding us
in a kind of union.
[Originally published in Wilde Magazine Issue 1, Winter 2012]
James Kangas is a retired librarian living in Flint, Michigan. His work has been published in Adroit Journal, Free State Review, New World Writing, Tampa Review, West Branch, et al. His chapbook, Breath of Eden (Sibling Rivalry Press), was published in 2019.